I May Be Out of a Job Soon

Men's soccer player: [Talking to a teammate doing rehab] Hey.. I took "Prevention of Athletic Injuries" at my old school. I know this stuff. [Pointing] Elbow...thumb...wrist. DON'T LET YOUR HEEL PASS YOUR TOES! BAD FORM!! You're going to get hurt. Can I tape your ankle?

CrossFit Friends

One of the CrossFitters is performing in a Christmas production at her church and has invited some of us to attend. She continues the story:

CrossFit girl #1: So I told my friends in the production that I invited y'all and they were unsure about y'all coming. There were afraid that you would sit in the audience and get too intense.
CrossFit girl #2: Yeah, they're right. We'd just start yelling encouragement at you for no reason. "YOU HIT THAT HIGH NOTE! YEAH! GET SOME!!"
CrossFit girl #1: "DO THAT ARABESQUE!" Yeah, y'all might need to tone it down.

Texas

Baseball player #1: Hey, what's going on?
Baseball player #2: It's a Texas thing, you wouldn't understand.

Internal Organs

Question of the Day: The surface area of which internal organ is roughly the size of a tennis court?
Men's soccer player: Epiglottis

Answer: Lungs

Ready to Go

Getting ready for the conference final playoff:
Women's soccer player: I've had two massages from Rachel and I've pooped. I'm ready to go!

Big and Strong

Baseball player: [He is maybe 160 pounds dripping wet.] *Sings* Gotta get my big and strong juice! Gotta get my big and strong juice!

Getting Cut

Men's Soccer Player #1: What is that stuff? Steroids?
Men's Soccer Player #2: Naw, man. Whey protein.
Men's Soccer Player #1: Tryin' to get big, get swoll?
Men's Soccer Player #2: No...just cut.
Men's Soccer Player #3: C'mere and I'll draw on the lines.

Scoops

Discussing the softball team's efforts to raise awareness about breast cancer:
Me: It's a good idea - "Save the Scoops" and ice cream. I haven't seen that one before.
Male ATC: They gave me a pink ribbon for my buttpack. [Grabs both of his pecs] I don't have boobs.

Heat Packs

Men's soccer player comes into heat his quad. The process of getting a heat pack is:

• Step 1: Get a heat pack cover off the drying rack. Open it like a book, so the Velcro is facing up.
• Step 2: Using the tongs, reach into the hydroculator (where we keep the heat packs in almost-boiling water) and pull out the heat pack that matches the size of your cover.
• Step 3: Lay the heat pack flat on one side of the cover and then fold the other side on top, matching Velcro to Velcro.
• Step 4: Have a seat and place the heat pack over sore area for no more than 15 minutes.

His process of getting the heating pack was:

• Step 1: Reach into hydroculator and pull out the heat pack that is fully submerged.
• Step 2: Fling the heat pack on the ground, grab a cover that is too small, and try and pick it up quickly, thinking I didn't see.
• Step 3: Takes the too-big hot pack and the too-small cover to the table, folds the hot pack in half, puts it directly on his skin, and covers it with the cover.
• Step 4: Jumps off the table, swearing about how he just burned his leg.

Me: [Soccer guy #1], are you alright? It's just a hot pack. It's not that difficult. And you've done this before the correct way.

Soccer guy #2: Come on, Rach, it's [Soccer guy #1]. Of course it's that difficult. 

Geometry 101

During our agility workout:

Men's coach: So you're going to be making a trapezoid.
Soccer player: What's a trapezoid? No, seriously, what's that?