A, B, ...F?

Doing a rehab exercise that requires knowing the ABC's:

Patient: Wait...what comes after S?

Legitimate Sources

"Weightlifter": Naw, Rach, no way. Muscle and Fitness magazine doesn't say to do dynamic stuff before you workout! It's all about long stretches.
Me: Well, my scholarly, peer-reviewed research articles and seven years of experience say otherwise. Don't do that unless you want to blow out a disc.
"Weightlifter": You're crushing my dreams! Dream crusher.

Self-Treatment

It's been a while, but I guess when you change jobs and go from working in the trenches with athletes to working in a clinic that sees athletes every now and then, that is what happens. The good news for y'all is that athletes will always be athletes. Here's another gem for ya!

Athlete: So, it feels better today. I did some self-experimentation on it last night and it's loose feeling. And looking. But better.
Me: *facepalm*

Weight Loss

Baseball player #1: Oh, wow. This can't be right. Between this scale and that scale, I've lost 18 pounds. That can't be right.
Baseball player #2: That's a child.
Baseball player #1: It's not even an infant, that's a toddler.
Baseball player #2: That's a bid kid.

Base Drums

Discussing acceptable workout music:

CrossFit Coach: There are no bass drums in CrossFit.

Polar Bears

My assistant ATC has just finished illustrating his question of the day.

Q: What color is the skin of a polar bear?
A: Black.

Me: Does the polar bear not get a face?
Assistant: It's the back of his head. He's about to get his head cut off by the man.

Transportation

Two cross country guys and a women's golfer discussing our off-campus track:
Cross country guy #1: Yeah, so it's just a mile and a half jog in the trails to the track. It's a nice warm up.
Women's golfer: Haven't you heard of cars? Transportation?
Cross country guy #2: Haven't you heard of gas prices?

I May Be Out of a Job Soon

Men's soccer player: [Talking to a teammate doing rehab] Hey.. I took "Prevention of Athletic Injuries" at my old school. I know this stuff. [Pointing] Elbow...thumb...wrist. DON'T LET YOUR HEEL PASS YOUR TOES! BAD FORM!! You're going to get hurt. Can I tape your ankle?

CrossFit Friends

One of the CrossFitters is performing in a Christmas production at her church and has invited some of us to attend. She continues the story:

CrossFit girl #1: So I told my friends in the production that I invited y'all and they were unsure about y'all coming. There were afraid that you would sit in the audience and get too intense.
CrossFit girl #2: Yeah, they're right. We'd just start yelling encouragement at you for no reason. "YOU HIT THAT HIGH NOTE! YEAH! GET SOME!!"
CrossFit girl #1: "DO THAT ARABESQUE!" Yeah, y'all might need to tone it down.

Texas

Baseball player #1: Hey, what's going on?
Baseball player #2: It's a Texas thing, you wouldn't understand.