Jewish "12 Days of Christmas"

Baseball player: But I'm Jewish. Oh, wait. I got it- (singing in tune)  On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me a 401k invested nicely!

Rapping

At the national tournament dinner in California:

Soccer girl: Yeah, [coach's name], you should be a rapper. Here, I'll get you going. You need an intro. How about "My name's T.P. I ain't toilet paper but I am the shit!"?

Baseball Diet

Baseball guy: I'm tryin' to make you 6'3", 230 pounds of jacked and you repay me by drinking A-1? Lift up your shirt and show them what one Coke does to a body.

All-Over Support

Soccer girl: I hate playing soccer without a sports bra. I'm tempted to go to the training room and just tape myself.

West Texas vs. Social Norms

Background on my university - we are a business school. The only majors offered are in the business world and that's it. With that said, there are a lot of presentations, which means people have to dress up to make these presentations. A baseball guy comes in, visibly upset about how his presentation went. He is in a stiff white shirt, tie, dark wash jeans, and boots (this is necessary info, promise).

Baseball player: Rachel, does it look like I've cleaned up? I mean, I look nice, right? 

Me: Yeah...

Baseball player: Well, I just got done giving a kick-ass presentation, only I got a B because the professor said that I wasn't "dressed professionally". I don't know what she means; I'm from West Texas for crying out loud! This is dressed up. I can say that I spent more time starching my jeans than she did getting ready this morning.

Always Entertaining

Visiting soccer guy (soccer guy #1) comes into the training room before the game to get pre-game treatment. I hook him up to the e-stim machine and a heat pack. His friend (soccer guy #2) is on the next table and finishes his treatment about 30 seconds before soccer guy #1.

Me: (Looking at soccer guy #2) That beep means you're done.
Soccer guy #1 starts peeling the still-active electrodes off and gets them stuck to his fingers.
Me: (Looking at soccer guy #1) Don't touch those. You're not done yet.
Soccer guy #1: What do you mea-AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! What's going on!!?!?! Aaaahhhh!!!!

Karaoke

Baseball guy #1: I guess you'd say, what can make me feel this way? WAAAAATERRRRR!!! Talkin' 'bout WATER!

Baseball guys #2-4: OOOOOOoooooOOOOOO yeah, WATER!

Baseball guy #1: (now singing much higher) OOOOOOOOO, BABY! YEEEEEEAHHH....WATER!

Blessings From Above

Soccer guy: Look, guys! A tumbleweed! Come to us, tumbleweed, come and bestow your blessing upon us.
Tumbleweed tumbles over, brushes past a couple of them, and then continues on its way.
Soccer guy: We have all been blessed by the tumbleweed.

National Anthem

While listening to the National Anthem before the game:

Soccer guy: Jose? Who's Jose?

Proposal?

‎"I want to marry your hands." - track guy to me during one of my deep tissue massages