A Whole New Meaning To "Sweat It Out"

Soccer girl: Rachel, you know when your bladder is really full and you have to pee really bad? If you just ran around and made yourself sweat a lot, could you sweat it out and then not have to go anymore?

Possible Career as a Contortionist?

Softball girl: Hey, Rach. I have a problem.

Me: Details?

Softball girl: So last night I was sitting Indian-style on my bed and I dislocated my ankle. It flipped up. I popped it back in, but it kinda hurts now. What should I do?

Satan's Breath

Baseball player: It feels like Satan's breath is blowing on my butt. He's just standing behind me going *wheeeeeeeeeze*, *wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze* [referring to sitting on a hot pack].

Intelligent Life?

I'm doing some therapeutic ultrasound on one of my baseball boys' legs. He's a little on the hairy side. After watching me for a bit, he looks at his leg and then at me:

"Looks like crop circles. Crop circles on my groin. Oh yeah!"

Geography 101

Question of the Day: What is the only state to accept pennies when paying on a toll road?

Hint: It's a state in the Midwest.

Soccer girl #1: Idaho

Soccer girl #2: Washington 

Soccer girl #3: Canada

Answer: Illinois

Later that same day, some baseball guys show up:

Baseabll guy #1: Utah
Me: Utah is not considered part of the Midwest.
Baseball guy #2: Oh man, dude, you're so dumb.
Me: I can Googlemap it and prove it to you.
Baseball guy #1: Fine. Google it.
Me: Here, look at this: Google image results for "The Midwest"
Baseball guy #1: Whatever, that's dumb. Doesn't make any sense.
Baseball guy #2: It's because when the original colonies were first settled,  it was all on the East Coast. Then, as expansion happened, everything relative to the original 13 colonies was considered "west". The region we know as "The Midwest" is really that because everything west of the Mississippi River was "The West" to people then. Come on, dude.

"Mexican Lessons"

The gates to the soccer field are locked. They're pretty easy to climb over, so most of the team has done that. A few stragglers have stayed behind.

Soccer girl 1: Come on, [soccer girl 2], you can do it! You're Mexican. This should be no problem for you!
Soccer girl 2: Hey, I'm only half Mexican. Rivers are no problem but fences came later. I never made it that far in the lessons!

I Love Animals

We have come to the end of our Belgium adventure. This last little gem is something that I overheard while we were eating at The Troubadour. Chloe, one of the workers at Leuven City Hostel (shameless plug, I know) recommended it to us. She takes her parents there when they come to visit. Works for us! Now, onto the reason that y'all are here:

"It's like I'm french-kissing an ox!"

Now I'll add context. Back story: one of the guys decides to order "ossetong in madeirasaus". That's Dutch for "ox tongue with Madeira sauce".

On a side note, ox tongue is actually pretty good. And technically, if we are using that logic, I have french kissed an ox as well.

Human Anatomy

I pulled a muscle in my back... the sacrum. No, no, now I remember...the lumbar.


For those of you unfamiliar with the anatomy of the low back:


The Sacrum
The Lumbar

Restroom Activities

Waiting for one of the athletes to come out of the restroom:

Sorry I was late guys. I was just sitting there and I got internet on my iTouch.

Steroids

Jesus is my HGH. Human growth Jesus.