Charcoal Pills

Baseball player #1: You need to order some charcoal pills. I need to detox my arm and get all of the swelling out.
Baseball player #2: Yeah, and my stomach hurts so I think I need them, too.
Baseball player #1: And then I can take them and my poop will turn black and I can look at it.

Soccer 101

The team had to run punishment sprints at the end of practice -

Soccer girl: Where's the six yard box?

Good Luck Charms

At a baseball game, one of the guys takes a sleeping cat out of his gear bag and proceeds to walk around the dugout until each member of the team and coaching staff has touched it.

Me: [Baseball player], why is there a cat being passed around the dugout?
Baseball player: That's Furr-nando, our good luck charm who isn't doing his job right now. It's an actual dead cat, ya know.
Me: An actual, dead, stuffed cat? Are you serious?
Baseball player: On my honor. Its eyes and nose are fake but everything else is real.

The actual cat -

Cup Check

During a baseball game, one of the guys comes over and (no so subtly) adjusts his cup.

ATC working with me: You know now that he did that, he's going to wear a line-drive before the game is over. 

Gun Show

Soccer guy sitting on a bench in our gym. Facing the mirror, flexing his biceps, smiling, and nodding his head at his reflection in the mirror. As soon as he sees me, he stops, gets up, and walks away like nothing happened.