Tic Tacs

Soccer player: Hey Rach, can you pass me that Tic Tac stuff?
Me: White or green Tic Tacs?
Soccer player: White. The green ones smell too much like my grandparents. I don't want to smell old.

He was talking about our icy hot cream. 

Bananas

Soccer player: Rach, I have a problem. I'm all clogged up. I haven't pooped in two days. I think it's because I ate way too many bananas.
Me: How many have you had?
Soccer player: Like...four a day. I'm trying to stay hydrated!!
Me: Have you had any water to drink outside of practices?
Soccer player: No...I thought I'd be okay if I just ate bananas.

In-Season Weights

Soccer player #1: We're in season, so is that why you're doing curls with a five pound dumbbell?
Soccer player #2: [CENSORED] no, man! You know this is my heavy weight. I'm getting swoll!

Chicken - The Other Red Meat

I'm back! After a long hiatus (thanks to baseball postseason, softball postseason, and a mission trip), I will be sharing more shenanigans, hi-jinx, and otherwise unbelievable things that my athletes do and say. 

Today's gem is brought to you by the women's soccer team.

Me: [Giving advice about what to eat and not eat during our three-a-days stretch] Stay away for heavy foods, like lots of red meat, cream sauces, or anything fried.

Soccer player: So, wait. Is chicken considered a red meat?

It's going to be a fun year :)