Cows of the World

Location: Logan's Steakhouse (same lunchtime as the peanuts conversation):
The girls are discussing/googling the difference between Angus steak and sirloin steak.


Softball girl: Oh, so Angus is Scottish. I'm eating Scottish cow? I wonder how they moo.

Peanuts

Softball won the Red River Athletic Conference so I will be spending the next eight to ten days (depending on how we do in round-robin play) in Decatur, AL as we compete at Nationals. This means lots of quality time spent together, which means more material for my blog. 


Location: Logan's Steakhouse 


Softball girl 1: I've had, like, five pounds of peanuts. Do you think peanuts digest like corn?
Softball girl 2: What the heck do you mean?
Softball girl 1: You know... with corn you chew and chew and chew but you still know that you've had corn. You know...


Esta es mi vida.

Stupid Human Tricks

Most people have it, that one thing they can do with some part of their body that most people can't. For some, it's a crazy double-joint, an old injury that never healed properly, or feats of amazing flexibility (I'm looking at you dancers/gymnasts/cheerleaders). 


Softball girl 1: Hey Rach! Look what I can do! (Proceeds to pull her arm down, making her arm look like this, but with a bigger gap)
Softball girl 2: Why would you show the trainer something like that? "Hey Rachel, watch me break my arm!" That's so stupid.
Softball girl 1: But it is pretty cool, huh, Rach?

T-Swift

Baseball player: It is never okay to fist pump to Taylor Swift.


Agreed, sir, agreed.

Deep Thoughts

Baseball player: I wonder if Martha got a prision tattoo. Spider web on her elbow. Legit.

Brain Power

Baseball player 1: You know how we only use 10% of our brains? What do you think we could do if we used more?
Baseball player 2: I would toss people around using only my mind. Or control my leg hair.
Baseball player 1: I bet I could make my leg hair turn into caterpillars.


Sometimes there are just no words.

Awkward

I'm pretty good about letting awkward moments roll of my back, much like water off a duck. But there are some moments that the only appropriate response is, "Well, this is happening." This particular story has a bit of an intro. Stick with me; it's worth it.


A pitcher on the visiting team gets drilled with a ball just above his knee. He drops to the ground and the umpire stops play. I jog out to the mound just in time for the pitcher to get up and start to walk it off. Here is where it gets good:


Me: You alright? Anything broken? Blood? 
Pitcher: *Drops pants. Standing on the mound in nothing but see-through white sliders and a jock strap*
Visiting coach: Wow, I've never seen him drop his pants so quickly before. You're good.


After I get back to my dugout, the guys are howling. 


Baseball guy 1: Did you tell him do drop trou? 
Me: Nope. That was all him.
Baseball guy 2: Dude, that guy totally just showed you what he was working with. You should have pointed and laughed.

Save Second Base

Softball player watches her teammate dive into second to avoid a tag:


Softball player: She really needs to learn how to dive without belly-flopping. She's gonna pop a boob for sure.