Steroids

Jesus is my HGH. Human growth Jesus.

I'm Baaaaack

So after spending a month as a track nomad in Belgium, I am back and will be updating this bad boy regularly again. In the spirit of my recent adventure, the next few weeks will be some of the gems that I overheard on my trip.


Rach

Wigs

It's the last day in Alabama. We are driving down Belt Line (which, is strange because I leave Texas, where I both live and work off of Belt Line, only to come to Alabama and find that our hotel and softball games will be on Belt Line) and I overhear this gem:

Softball player 1: Two wig stores on the same street? That's kind of weird.
Softball player 2: It's the South. That's all they do here is wear wigs.

Who Says We're Fat?

It's getting to be the end of our stay here in beautiful Decatur, AL. We have eaten out every meal since lunch on Monday, and since Northwood is paying for the meals, the girls tend to get the more expensive things on the menu and eat all of it because, well, why not?


Softball player 1: Guys, I feel so fat.
Softball player 2: We aren't fat, just heavy eaters.

If I Were an Animal

The softball girls have all assigned themselves a different animal based on personality and appearance. After five months of working with them, I have been given an animal.


Softball player: Rach, it took some thought, but I have finally figured out your animal. It just hit me -  you're an otter!!
Me: Why an otter?
Softball player: Well...you're kinda cute. And kinda muscle-y. And kinda chill. And really slim.


So, there you have it. I'm an otter.

Guys Named Ben

Softball player 1: When I hear the name Ben, I think of a guy with a collared shirt that is tucked into his pants, which have been pulled up really high, and carries a satchel. 

Softball player 2: Honestly, guys, I think male-pattern baldness.

Sorry to all you Ben's out there. 

Awkward, the Second Act

The NAIA holds a banquet for all of the teams at the softball national tournament. To help get people up and interacting with others, they had a scavenger hunt with questions like, "Find someone who was born in the same month as you."; or "Find someone who is an only child."


Not-NU-Softball girl: Hey guys, could you look at my sheet and sign whatever you can?
NU Softball girl: "Same color underwear"? What color underwear are you wearing?
Not-NU girl: I don't know; I'm colorblind.
NU girl: No you're not.
Not-NU girl: I swear I don't know what color it is. Here, look and see. *Unbuttons her pants, lowers them some, and then pulls her underwear up to show us*


Sometimes I wonder what I've gotten myself into.

Cows of the World

Location: Logan's Steakhouse (same lunchtime as the peanuts conversation):
The girls are discussing/googling the difference between Angus steak and sirloin steak.


Softball girl: Oh, so Angus is Scottish. I'm eating Scottish cow? I wonder how they moo.

Peanuts

Softball won the Red River Athletic Conference so I will be spending the next eight to ten days (depending on how we do in round-robin play) in Decatur, AL as we compete at Nationals. This means lots of quality time spent together, which means more material for my blog. 


Location: Logan's Steakhouse 


Softball girl 1: I've had, like, five pounds of peanuts. Do you think peanuts digest like corn?
Softball girl 2: What the heck do you mean?
Softball girl 1: You know... with corn you chew and chew and chew but you still know that you've had corn. You know...


Esta es mi vida.

Stupid Human Tricks

Most people have it, that one thing they can do with some part of their body that most people can't. For some, it's a crazy double-joint, an old injury that never healed properly, or feats of amazing flexibility (I'm looking at you dancers/gymnasts/cheerleaders). 


Softball girl 1: Hey Rach! Look what I can do! (Proceeds to pull her arm down, making her arm look like this, but with a bigger gap)
Softball girl 2: Why would you show the trainer something like that? "Hey Rachel, watch me break my arm!" That's so stupid.
Softball girl 1: But it is pretty cool, huh, Rach?